As the Fan Creaks Me to Sleep

Sometimes I lie awake at night — well, I’m sorta border-insomniac so most nights I lie awake at night — and just ponder over stuff as the gentle hum of the air conditioner soothes my ears.

At times, I think about all the things I’ve gone through, all the weirdness that is my life and the way(s) I handled or manhandled the situation(s). Y’know, little ‘Notes to Self’ for the future, so to say.

At other times, I think about society – just people, in general. It’s funny how selfish the world can be  and yet, most fight anything anti-social tooth and nail to fit in. It’s astonishing how many people leave good sense and go along with herd mentality. It appears that the want to be appreciated by the masses swallows the desire to be internally fulfilled.

And, most are unaware of this cyclical battle between the Spirit and the Ego. Lives are recycled, souls reincarnated, aimlessly wandering, devoid of thought processes, ignorant of their reality. The world seems like a whorl of directionless souls. Even being mis-directioned would be a step towards the correct flow, a foothold to veer the black hole of nothingness into the Light.

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Still, there is a glimmer of hope. The outliers who look at themselves. The ones who really see their potential and go for their goals, sans everything, sans anything. There are the few who just have an idea, a goal or a fetish, even – all consuming desire or a willingness to do what they set out to, to complete the opportunity they possess. These are the people who bring the Light, bring life, bring everything a little bit more into line.

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Whatever I may be thinking, I always aim to look ahead as I drift off to the land of dreams (Some of my dreams are quite disconcerting, by the way).

So, let’s look ahead – we have a life to live.

Life’s like Twitter: Som…

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Life’s Like Twitter: Some you follow, some follow you. Sometimes 140 characters don’t do you justice, at other times, 140 is all you need.
There’re RTs, Favorites and Twitpics to spice things up, hashtags to bring one voice to the world. But, whatever you do, the trick is… never care about the number of your followers, never bother with your RTs or Favorites, ‘cuz that’ll bring you down, my friend, that’ll bring you down.

Life’s Like That!

The Lost Art of Holding a Conversation

Being a conversationalist, I enjoy a discussion on just about any topic. I find having conversations about anything and everything under the Sun not only triggers thought and results in exchange of information but, it also gives one food for thought to introspect and look at things in more than one way. I find talking things out not only to be therapeutic but, also enlightening.

Sadly, nowadays people value conversation less than cheap cologne, debating is misconstrued as arguing, discussions transform into gossip sessions and dialogues often become monologues. I find there is an increasing gap between those who are actually open to exchanging ideas and finding solutions and those who just want to shove their opinions down one’s throat. Isn’t the whole point of a conversation taking away something indelibly constructive, something that helps us piece the larger puzzle called life or am I missing something?

Ideal conversation must be an exchange of thought, and not, as many of those who worry most about their shortcomings believe, an eloquent exhibition of wit or oratory. – Emily Post

Often, when a group of girls start talking, it seems kinder to throw myself out of an adjacent window than endure the hateful gossip and bitching that ensues. Guys are not far behind, in fact guys can be nastier than girls when it comes to gossiping! Cattiness, thy name is gossip!

Another sad fact is with the advent of Social networking Sites, organic conversation has taken quite a hit. Facebook chatting and Skype never really seem the same and often when one meets a pal or actually talks to them on the phone after a long, long time, conversation is muted and awkward.

Moving on to body language during conversation; People hardly maintain eye contact, fiddle around and seldom display any interest if the conversation doesn’t involve gossip or dirty little secrets or confessions. Not only does this make the other person feel like they’re not being taken seriously, it also makes one doubt the interest factor and the validity of the discussion!

Also, why do folk keep talking about useless stuff like movies or music? I don’t think discussing movies and what-not is insipid but, it’d be great to discuss something worthwhile once in a blue moon! Why don’t people like discussing things like society, politics, philosophy or art? And, every time one initiates a slightly serious topic, either the topic is changed or turns into a mud slinging fest. For instance, try talking about politics and the ‘Obamacare‘ bashing begins.

At the end of the day, sometimes I just want to have a meaningful conversation about something meaningful – a heartfelt one-on-one about something not related to Taylor Swift’s newest song about her newest ex-boyfriend.

What about you? Take the poll!

Five Insufferable Things To Be Passionate About

1. How You Look: You’re freshly tanned, very nice. You just got RiRi’s bleached blonde ‘do, very hip. Flashed everyone your perfect pearly white grin? Very cool. Just gave the plumber a booty tooch to show off your taut ass? Very in. Now stop it. You’re coming off as ridiculous, not to mention fake. FYI, nobody’s thinking about your ‘wonderful’ assets. They’re all thinking how humongous a loser you are.

Frankly, you’re not that great looking. You may be the beauty/hunk of your family and/or workplace and have these folk fawn over you (or be ‘jealous’ of your fantastical features) but, here’s the truth, honey; Though you may qualify for a second glance (based solely on your Kith and Kin’s evaluation), that’s pretty much where it ends, ‘kay?

2. How Others Look: Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder and you my dear, have Madras Eye in that case. No one asked you if XYZ looks nice or not. Don’t dump your inaccurate and condescending beauty scale on anyone patient enough to listen to your cockamamie. Who’re you to decide if the ‘traditional’ looking girl you saw looks like a country ho? I doubt even Anna Wintour stands a chance against your caustic (and inaccurate) tongue.

Oh, and not to forget the ones who go to great lengths to stress how much they do to look better than you. Their weekly spa treatments are up on Twitter, they go on about their haircare routine like it’s a matter of international importance and their Facebook photo streams (in the ever popular ‘duckface’ pose) of their new YSL flapper dress never end. Ever. And, these factors apparently give them the upper hand in style, fashion and beauty. To you, only one thing needs to be said – quit judging people, you’re not so hot yourself.

3. Who You Pray To: Okay, so you believe in Jesus/Allah/Bhagwan Ram/Gautam Buddha. You pray diligently and observe your religious customs and rituals flawlessly. Commendable. But, why are you trying to shove your beliefs down someone else’s throat? There is no need to mock somebody’s God just because you think yours is better. Isn’t there just one God, many avatars? The main point of prayer and tradition is inculcating peace and discipline in one’s life, isn’t it? Frankly, no one’s religion is ‘the best’ simply because all religions are the same.

Islam = Hinduism = Christianity = Zoroastrianism = Buddhism = *Insert Religion Here* 

It’s high time you realized religion is a way of life, not a way of condemning others’ lives. Your faith and God are important to you, good. Just remember that the other person’s beliefs are just as dear the her/him. If you’re confused, go back to your Holy Text and refer to the part about respecting others. Yes, it doesn’t matter which Holy Text you revere, they all have the same teachings. It’s just the chronology that differs, hope that clears up the mist in your mind.

4. How You (In)Tolerate ‘Outsiders’: There’re all kinds of people in this world. They’re all the same; they’re all different. So, don’t annoy everyone by proclaiming your countrymen are superior. You’re as idiotic as the next immigrant. Don’t generalize Italians as womanizers. Don’t classify Pakistanis as terrorists. Don’t call Indians ‘job stealing gits’. Quit blaming ‘the west’ for ‘spreading homosexuality’. Quit harassing fee paying Indian students in Australia.There are a million contrary examples that pass you by but, your shitty tunnel vision catches only the flaws of said groups.

Also, a desi (Indian, for the uninitiated) take on this: Just because you’re from Assam doesn’t mean you’re hot stuff and if you’re from Gujarat don’t think you’re the next Ambani – it means you’re suffering from a ‘regional halo effect’ (coining my own term here). All you idiots in New Delhi calling every dusky girl a ‘Madrasan/Geek/Kolaveri Di’ and all you sycophants in Chennai advising anyone who mentions the humidity down South to leave the city, you guys are closet regionalists. All you great thinkers who riot around *Hint: RSS* throwing out the people who come from out-of-town to make a livelihood in Mumbai, go screw yourselves.

5. How You Are Better Than ABC: So, you think you’re all that, eh? You’ve got a minimum wage salary and are currently ‘living it up’ in a shared apartment with three Asian dudes and you think you’re better than Bob from across the street (because he’s just a struggling musician) and you miss no opportunity to highlight your assumption. Reality check: In five years’ time, Bob will own a duplex, a yacht and have a Swiss bank account whereas you’ll remain stuck in your $30,000 p.a. job.

Just because you’re bangin’ chicks left, right and center like Hugh Hefner (doesn’t mean you’re minting money like him), quit showing the sweet nerd down ‘cuz he’s on his way to a happy ending and you’re going to get AIDS. Just because someone is being kind enough to not point out what a massive asshole you are, don’t think you’re a rockstar. All you are is a train wreck waiting to happen.

Seriously, think about how insipid these issues are and how much time most people spend obsessing about them. Be passionate about stuff that matters, like the environment or politics. Get a life, do something meaningful.

Your Crush Is Not Thinking About You, ‘Kay?

Okay, you guys, we’ve all been there. That sick yet, wonderful place where we fancy someone. It could be anyone – a friend, colleague, actor or some random face you saw on the bus or something. Basically, the fact is you like ’em and, they, well, may or may not reciprocate your temporary Arrhythmia. Most of the time, crushes are ones-sided affairs and the one suffering getting crushed under this huge weight is the last one to know that. So, let me make things easier for you, poor dear by telling you why the girl/boy you’re drooling over will never, I repeat, NEVER be your Coochie-coo and why you’re just wasting your time :-

a. You get up and think of the idiot as you get dressed for work/class/whatever with her/him in mind. You change your ‘outfit’ three times (Which one will s/he like more?), realize you’re running late, skip breakfast and rush.

STOP! Here’s why: You’re changing clothes like it’s a do-or-die thing! It isn’t. Rest assured, your Crush won’t even see the Houndstooth scarf or the Ferragamo tie you’re donning. ‘Kay. Quit it. Besides, it takes time and effort to wash, iron and darn those outfits! You’re missing breakfast, Bitch! It’s the single most important meal of the day. Don’t you know you’re going to fall sick if you skip meals like this? And, for what? Some ninny who doesn’t even remember your name.

b. All the time you’re spending thinking about this female/fellow is useless. You read a page of your notes/file and promptly start thinking about the color of said Crush’s eyes. Is it Bluey-Gray or Grayey-Blue? Hmmn. Must notice next time you accidentally-but-intentionally bump into her/him at lunch/the water cooler. You ‘Google‘ the girl/guy and actually go past page four in hope of finding out something, anything about the person. You stalk her/him on Facebook/Twitter and go through all her/his posts, pictures and friends and obsess over any good looking friends s/he has of the opposite gender or interacts with frequently on these platforms. You go for a movie and midway start thinking about how the second lead looks so much like your crush. What a cute ass s/he has! You wonder if s/he thinks about your ass. You make a mental note to go to the Gym so that s/he notices your perfect teacup shaped buttocks as you sashay past her/him. (Okay, if you’re a guy and think of sashaying and shit for a girl, you’re probably kinda gay and stuff. But, you can replace words to fit in your predicament, a’rite?) You forget the plot and piss off your friend to fill you in.

Aaargh! All the time you’re spending painting frescoes about your Crush and you which could parallel the ‘Mona Lisa‘, you could’ve finished all your assignments/work, taken that week off and gone for that awesome hiking trip you’ve been wanting to for nearly six months now. Your Crush, on the other hand, is probably zoning out somewhere and is not, in the slightest way, thinking about you. Also, your poor pal just wants to see the frickin’ movie, don’t irritate her/him by constantly jabbing her/him to fill you in! Bros before Hoes, remember!

c. You strategically position yourself so that there are a million chances for you and the Crush to ‘interact’ or to devise stratagems so that s/he notices you as you pose and pout or act sophisticated and flirty. You think of a hundred witty comments and imagine the wonderment your Crush will feel when s/he hears or sees you in action. “S/He’ll be starstruck once s/he hears me discussing Quantum Mechanics/ROIs with Delilah/Dave and maybe a little jealous if I touch Delilah/Dave on the shoulder? Man, this is an awesome plan!”, you think with glee.

Umm…okay. Hold your horses, mate. Not. Going. To. Happen. Why? Well, first of all, your Crush will be bemused why you’re screeching about shit that no one cares about and poor Delilah/Dave will just stand there flustered and scared while you deliver your ‘performance’ and wonder why you’re hitting her/him for no reason. Secondly, all the time you spend craning your neck to see if said Crush has noticed you will make you look like a moron and may result in sore neck muscles, a possible neck brace and a lot of money spent at the Doctor’s. Furthermore, if you’d used the awesome power of the amount of Grey cells that you used to devise ploys to entice this girl/guy, we’d probably have a cure for Cancer by now.

d. Any time you see your Crush with a member of the opposite sex, your heart starts sinking, you start tearing up and you start thinking of killing the POI or start hearing sad violin-type music *heart broken*. You frantically run around to get details of this mystery girl/guy and start obsessing if your Crush and the POI are an ‘item’. You start analyzing their body language, throw your pencil right near them and snoop around to hear snatches of their conversation.

Hello? They’re just talking, okay! No need to panic. And, even if they have a thing going on, it’s not like you didn’t know that s/he was never into you in the first place. Quit making a fool of yourself! Your nerves are on edge half the time and your brain’s on overtime for the rest of the day! Just forget the female/fellow and MOVE ON already!

I mean, it’s okay you have a crush and all that but, let’s be realistic. It’s a crush, it’ll go away. You probably don’t even like her/him that much. You’re just tired of being alone/bored/horny and need a release. Get your Klingon avatar on and redirect your energies into other stuff! Talk to your friends, go places and really immerse yourself in those experiences. Stop fantasizing and if you really, really like her/him so much, just go over and say ‘Hi!’ already!