Get Out of My Way When I’m Getting My Sweat On!

Right. So this is a rant on all the pathetic and irritating aunties in my colony who have made my exercise routine excruciating because of their daily dose of dumbassery. For the uninitiated, middle-aged ladies in India are referred to as ‘aunties’ and it is common for these ladies to go for morning/evening walks in their respective suburbs.

These ladies are a peculiar species in their own way. They’re mostly housewives who spend the entire day yelling at their maids (household help in India is common) and over-feeding their darling children. They’re bored, undoubtedly. Come evening, they turn into salwar-kameezNike donning ninjas and hurry to meet their counterparts for their awesome “evening walk and chit-chat” sessions. Oh, and most of them carry flowery napkins to soak up their imagined workout sweat and frequently check their cellphones, which are generally worn as pendantesque accessories, like the three solid gold chains around their hippo necks aren’t eye-catching enough.

Anyway, once you get over this overwhelming sight, you notice that the aunty brigade takes up the entire road as they “walk”. Yes, the whole ten feet of road is occupied by these domestic cows as they sashay rhythmically down the lane. As it is they walk at a speed of roughly 2mts/hour, with breaks at regular intervals to catch their breaths and gossip some more – because it’s soooo difficult to saunter and jabber at the same time.

These Mrs. Khuranas and Mrs. Thiagarajans don’t give a damn about the loner jogger as s/he attempts to squeeze past the lady army and jog on steadfastly. They graciously deign to move for cars and autos and very grudgingly so for scooters and scooterettes. Please, hear our pleas! We’re here to use the roads, too!

For the love of God, please have mercy on us loner joggers, we need to maintain a pace to build our stamina, we need to work up a sweat and thin down. Isn’t that the point of exercise, really?

Sidebar: I really wanted to put in a picture but, as I searched Google Images, I found mostly aunty-centric porn. Did not know that’s a rage. Indian men’s taste sucks big time.

Things Girls Need to Do Differently

Take More Risks – Girls are generally prone to play it safe when it comes to their own needs, perhaps because they have been taught to argue sparingly and maintain a comely attitude. In addition, since they’re conditioned to think with restrictions and indirectly made to feel inferior, self doubt lingers in most girls‘ minds.

Doubting and belittling your goals so that you don’t come across as demanding, aggressive or impulsive is idiotic. It is even more idiotic to think not taking a risk and being a good person are the same thing. It’s important to look at the Reward-to-Risk ratio when one is contemplating doing something but, not doing anything is just plain cowardly.

Stick to Your Guns: From the time they prancing around in their pretty pink pinafores picking pansies and periwinkles to braid into their pretty blonde braids, girls are chided for ‘unpleasant’ behavior like making noise or being unkempt. Once an adolescent, parents have earlier curfews for them and tend to keep a stricter eye on the teenage girl. In most cases, girls tend to stick to the rules and pride themselves on being prim and proper or ‘good girls’.

But, in the workplace or in major decisions in life, these very parent-controlled limits tend to puncture holes in girls’ confidence and their analytic ability thus, making it hard for them to persist once they’ve decided on something. Girls need to believe in themselves a little more and learn to care a little less about things that are minuscule in the larger picture. Today, it is stupid to expect a girl to be a doormat. Also, please don’t be afraid of being disliked if it’s in lieu of something you’re passionate about and which will bring obvious value to your life. Sometimes, you gotta hold on.

Avoid Being the Damsel in Distress: There’s no Prince Charming on a ‘Tide’ white steed coming to rescue you. There’s no need to behave like a delicate darling and run to someone when anything remotely challenging comes your way. It’s cheap, parasitic and irritating, to say the least. Get a hold of yourself, be your own damn savior.