Ladies V/S Ricky Bahl… er… Gents

Um, okay, I know the title is slightly gay (in a non-offensive way, FYI) but, as I am currently OD-ing on this song from Ladies vs Ricky Bahl, kindly excuse my New Delhi-ness. (In case you’re wondering what’s happened to my taste in music, I have only one explanation to give – I’ve been under house arrest for two months now, this much madness is acceptable.) Shush now! My main point for this blog-post is *Drumroll Please* Happy Women’s Day!

As we celebrate this wonderful day rejoicing the many, many accomplishments of our vaginal virginal beauties who’re busy donning smart Van Heusen pantsuits, beautifully tailored Balenciaga gowns, Ikkat petticoats and matching kolhapuris, let’s take a moment to see how we’re doing against the other half of the world, i.e., men (and everyone in between), a’rite?:-

a. More Qualifications, More Hours, Less Ka-Ching: Women have fought to get education in order to gain perspective and, well, plush jobs so that they can spend their hard earned money on MOAR SHOEZZ and charity and stuff. But, this funky graph shows that the more educated a woman is, she does not earn as much as her male counterpart. This doesn’t mean you get to dropout of High School sans negative ramifications, just learn to be a better negotiator, bonita. Also, women work longer to get raises, promotions and gain credibility at work. For instance, women often have to work three years longer in a teaching position to be promoted to the post of Principal than a male educator has to.

b. Women Earn Less than Men in 99% of All Occupations: Yep. Unless you’re a nanny, a teacher for the differently-abled, Beyonce, a nurse or a prostitute, a woman earns only 77.5¢  for each dollar a man earns.

c. If You Don’t Work in a Fortune 500 Company, Chances Are You’ve Got Yourself a Bosswoman: Women are good managers. Period. There are about 9.1 million women-owned businesses in the U.S., a number that comprises nearly 40% of all businesses. And, these women leaders employ 35% more people than ALL the Fortune 500 companies combined! Even so, it is sadly unsurprising to note that only 8% of the Fortune 500 ‘Mile High‘ Club is femme fatale.

d. Got Two ‘X’ Chromosomes? Here, Live Longer: In developed countries, the average life expectancy for women is 79 years and 72 years for men. Russian babes outlive Putin-type menfolk by a whopping thirteen years – tennis does keep one fit, eh?

e. Got Equal Parts ‘X’ and ‘Y’ Chromosomes? Here, Have a Larger Brain: The adult male brain is 10% larger than that of an adult woman’s. As they have more muscle mass *Cough**Penis**Cough*, guys’ brains require more neurons to control their bodies. On a completely unrelated note, brain size and intelligence are not relative to each other. *Flashes Evil Grin, Evilly*

f. You Jump, I Jump: Girls and boys, there’s one thing which is absolutely balanced between us! Heart attacks are the most common way for both genders to bite the big one *Crowd Goes Wild*! So, fancy dinner dates do pay off, huh? (See what I did there? I am like that only.)

Honestly, women have a lot more to do before they can call themselves empowered in the true sense of the word. However, the fairer sex has come a long way from airing rugs, doing the washing-up and learning how to crochet delightful patterns on pretty blue pinafores with no other option. It’s not nearly enough but, it does call for a toast! So, cheers to a Women’s Day that’ll open new doors for all the lovely ladies out there!

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